Tony Deyo

Stand-up Comedian

Survey says... nobody cares.

I received an e-mail today with this banner at the bottom:


Listen to me people… and listen to me good. Not one single person on this earth gives even the remotest crap about how long you’ve been breastfeeding your kid. Not one. So to advertise it on every single e-mail you send out is not cute, it’s not even funny… it’s just plain creepy. And not a little bit… a lot of bit. Breastfeeding is essentially a bodily function… and I wouldn’t send you a banner ticking off the time since my last dooty. So please keep that information between you and whoever will buy your breast pump off eBay.

This really might be my biggest problem with humans right now. Having a baby is special… but it’s only special for the two people involved with creating it. As for the other 6 billion people on the planet, let me speak for us all by saying “we don’t care.” Enjoy the special moments… the first steps, the first “big people food”… enjoy it… I’m sure it’s very exciting. But please… please leave the rest of us out of it. Otherwise, we have to summon the energy to pretend like we care… and we truly do not.

Incidentally, when you go to to create your own “breastfeeding ticker”, you have to put in the date you started breastfeeding… from pull-down menus. The pull-down menu for “year” goes back to 1991. Again, just plain creepy.

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers