Tony Deyo

Stand-up Comedian

Things I've Learned in NYC #4

Photo from here

There’s an art to missing the subway… because the subway doors are controlled by a human… and this human has discretion as to whether they open for you again. So you have to make a show out of it. Not unlike an NBA player who wants to draw a foul. Throw your hands up… spin around… show some emotion. Occasionally swearing works. A riskier ploy, if you make it in time, is to try and squeeze an appendage into the door in an effort to automatically re-open it. But it better be a major appendage… your hand is not going to do it. At the very least, a forearm. And don’t expect the door to fly back open like an elevator either. The door is going to punish you… and it should. This a NY subway… it’s busy… it’s got places to be. If it were a Sioux City subway, you could expect a more laid-back, Midwestern attitude… but not here.